Welcome back to Cora's story. If you missed part 1, [catch up here] to meet her and her mom first.
Today I want to zoom in on the concept I introduced last week: the skills gap. This is one of the most useful frameworks I share with parents, because it takes the question "why does she act like this?" and turns it into "what does she need help with?"
But first, let’s talk about the difference between frustration tolerance and sensory overwhelm.
Frustration tolerance vs. Sensory input tolerance
Cora’s mom had been looking for tips on frustration tolerance. In her mind, Cora became frustrated when she couldn’t find socks that felt right, or when it was time to brush her hair, or if her clothes got dirty. That’s a logical assessment, honestly. But when you look through your sensory lenses, these seem to be more related to sensory overstimulation causing dysregulation rather than only an emotional dysregulation challenge. I was focusing in on the tactile sense. Specifically, kids with a hyper-sensitive tactile system might:
-
notice even the smallest details (like a fuzz or a crooked seam on a sock)
-
feel overwhelmed from textures or sensations on their skin (like getting part of a sleeve wet or a mud on their hands)
-
anticipate their sensory triggers, especially when it happens repeatedly with a predictable pattern (for example, if she knows hair brushing always happens after bath, she might start “acting out” during bath time or when it’s time to get out of bath)
As a reminder, I’m not Cora’s OT, nor have I ever seen her or assessed her, but her challenges all seem to relate to tactile processing differences, and that’s the angle I used when coaching her mom.
What I told her was that for kids with sensory sensitivities, sometimes the trigger seems so insignificant that you wonder if the child is just “being a baby” or “over dramatic”. Sometimes they complain or fully meltdown over something your sensory systems didn’t even pick up on. It can be hard to validate an experience that you have never been through yourself.
I encouraged Cora’s mom to try to believe Cora for the next few weeks, to see if it shifts the dynamic. Without even putting any specific strategies into place, what would happen if every time Cora had a meltdown over a sock or brushing her hair, she just mentally thought “I believe you, this is really uncomfortable for you.”
Next, I wanted to help her mom understand why she was seeing contrasting behaviors on different days.
