We’re back today with Anika’s story, Part 3. You can go back and read part 2 [here]. Today we’re going to be teaching her how her brain works, giving her parents some scripts to try, and building an in-the-moment toolkit for the next time a tooth feels wiggly.
Why Bring Anika Into This At All
Anika likes to feel in control. She's a rule follower who does best with routine, and that same trait shows up in how she'll respond to any new strategy her parents introduce. A plan that's done to her is much less likely to stick than a plan executed with her (especially if she can help come up with the plan). So before any of the tools below come out, the first job is helping Anika understand her own nervous system in language that makes sense to a 6-year-old.
The Lesson: Your Brain Is Doing It’s Job
Anika first needed to know that there’s nothing wrong with her, and in fact, her brain is doing a pretty good job. I encouraged her parents to work the following talking points into a casual chat:
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The brain’s number one job is to keep you alive. Give examples like “Your brain helps you blink and breathe!"
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If the brain thinks something will harm you, it will send a message through your body to do things that will protect you. Give examples like “If you saw a snake, your brain would send blood to your muscles to get you to run away.”
Then comes the part where they add in the nuance of how Anika’s brain works specifically. She should know that while her brain is just doing it’s job, sometimes her brain needs a reminder of what is dangerous vs. what is uncomfortable.
I gave the following script as an example for her parents to say to her:
“Sometimes, the brain will remember if something feels painful or uncomfortable and it tries to protect you even MORE from it. So you know how your teeth get sore when they’re wiggly, and you had some bad memories of that when they got bumped? Now your brain thinks it’s doing a good job by making you afraid of wiggly teeth and making you keep your mouth closed. But, what happens if you keep your mouth closed for too long? [Give her time to answer] That’s right- you ended up not being able to eat or talk. That’s not safe either. So our job is to find ways to tell your brain “It’s okay brain. I’m not in danger, I’m just uncomfortable. I can handle this.”
