Welcome back to Mia's story. If you need to catch up, here's [part 1], [part 2] and [part 3].
We’ve talked about Mia’s meltdowns and how her Dad just wants to help, but Mia won’t let him. Today we’re going to touch on a topic that I know most (if not all) of you will resonate with.
SCREEN TIME.
Mia's mom described how Mia tends to recharge best (or at least easiest) when she's comfy and cozy, tucked into a blanket, snuggling with someone, or "numbing out" watching TV. She said Mia spends an average of 3-4 hours of screen time everyday, more than what the AAP recommendations say for her age range (at the time).
She asked me directly, “Do you think I need to cut her screen time?”
What we should be asking first
I get a lot of different questions from parents when they’re concerned about screen time. But there’s one question that lingers beneath all of them, though no one really explicitly asks it.
I know parents really want to know:
"Am I a bad parent for letting my child use a screen?"
The guilt makes sense. I feel it sometimes too. The messaging out there is intense (to say the least), with headlines that leave no room for nuance, and passive aggressive comments from bystanders at the grocery store watching your toddler swipe for their next youtube video.
The truth is, not all screen time is equal, and you can’t make a sweeping judgment on yourself as a parent based on the minutes spent on a screen.
Let’s dig deeper.
Here are some preliminary questions I like to ask parents.
What kind of screen time is it?
I consulted with Mia’s parents back in 2021, and since then, the AAP has updated their screen time guidelines to look more into quality over quantity. It’s less about minutes and more about what is on the screen to begin with.
Mia’s screen time was mostly watching one of her favorite shows on a streaming app rather than playing games.
This seemed like a simple enough change if we needed to make one. Perhaps Mia could watch her shows on a tv screen instead of a handheld device, which would not only make it a cleaner transition away, it would also protect against any visual overstimulation from being too close.
But even if this change wasn't possible, there were other areas to look at.
What is the screen time doing for your child's nervous system?
Every child is different, and every piece of media is different, so something that dysregulates my child might be right in the comfort zone for another child.
